When I first started dating, nothing was more exciting than the thrill of flirting with a new girl over text. It always felt like the start of something good.
I also remember that nothing was more distressing than waiting for an answer. And waiting. And when she never responded, realizing our connection was potentially dead.
In hindsight, I spent A LOT of time stressing and analyzing my roller coaster of emotions. I was constantly checking my phone, worrying about whether or not I should send another text and always wondering WHY...why isn't he talking to me?
Ten years later, I now know that worrying about it was a waste of time. Unfortunately, there were no clear answers then, and there are no clear answers now.
So when guys come up to me and ask me,"Why didn't she answer?"I can only make educated guesses about a woman's motivations. existcountlessreasons why a girl disappears.
The thing is, my advice will always be…
Stop dwelling on the fact that she didn't answer. Instead, focus on an action plan for getting the conversation back on track.
To give you the best chance, I've created a simple framework to follow the next time you don't hear from a girl you like.
Approach women with confidence
take myfree guidemeet women anywhere.Learn to overcome anxiety, always know what to say and make an attractive first impression.
Related video (don't forget to subscribe!)
1. Give them a day to respond before sending another text.
Assume that your message was successfully delivered. Unless your phone says otherwise, you almost certainly received it.
Maybe she just hasn't seen it yet. Maybe she does, but she's busy with work, school, or whatever else in the real world. Maybe you're waiting to respond because it's not your priority right now. Maybe she's being shy. Or maybe he just got bored with the conversation.
Regardless of the reason, trying again in 24 hours almost never gives good results.
When a woman is talking to a new guy, she is suspicious of the situation. She wants to make sure you aren't too intense, needy, or too interested.
If she didn't see the message and you sent it again, it looks likeyou are desperatefor an answer
If she saw the message and is waiting or choosing not to respond, your follow-up usually reinforces that sheshould notanswer. It comes across as arrogant and like you have nothing better to do.
I'm not saying to pretend you're cool and aloof. Instead, I want you to put yourself in the shoes of a confident man with choices who don't seek approval. He might think "this sucks" when he doesn't get an answer...but then he'll focus on something else. will be productivegoing out with friends, do something fun for yourself and talk to other women.
He isnositting at home agonizing over the response time of a girl he barely knows.
2. But don't wait more than 2-3 days to message again
With that being said, many guys do the opposite of intense texting and instead completely distance themselves. They decide not to text for several days, weeks, or ever again, even if it's the first time it's cooled off.
One of the reasons guys do this is to avoid looking needy and desperate. But as I said before,the need comes down to your way of thinking🇧🇷 If you really want to connect with this girl and pull away to manipulate her approval, you have to.
Another reason is that guys think they've tried hard enough and now it's the girl's turn to respond. I wish the world worked like that. Some women will reconnect, but many more, even those who are interested, will not. If this is just the first time he's stopped responding, there's no point in playing the game of waiting and potentially losing.your window of opportunity.
Reach out to her in a few days and follow the ideas below for your message.
3. Don't Ask If He Got Your Last Text Message Or Talk About It
I know you can feel lost restarting with a girl who has gone quiet. Your natural inclination might be to double-check that you got your message or repeat the same topic.
For example, maybe he was silent after you asked him what he was going to do on Thursday. You write something like...
“I guess sitting at home and not talking to anyone then =P” [mocking her for not answering]
"So what did you end up doing on Thursday?" [asking him after the fact]
"I'm not sure if you got my last message, but I wanted to know what your plans were for Thursday?" [double review]
These rarely work. Even when you think you're being sarcastic for his lack of response, you come across as passive-aggressive and bitter.
This girl stopped responding after your last message FOR SOME REASON. Pressuring her to respond to that specific idea or controlling her like you're her parent isn't exciting. It also makes you feel aware of why she hasn't responded.
4. Don't ask her out right away.
You also don't want to ask her out as your first message. This is especially true if your previous unanswered text was about trying to make plans.
You may not have felt comfortable or excited enough to commit to a date. Reacting without addressing these feelings (through positive emotion, see below) will often elicit another silent response or no commitment.
It's best to start with a more casual and engaging message, exchange a few messages andlaterask her out when she expresses positive emotions. Because if he was silent after her first invitation,Terfor the second count.
Women may feel uncomfortable withscold a boytwice. They know you probably feel rejected and frustrated, which makes them uncomfortable. In turn, they may retreat to avoid confrontation or convince themselves that it wasn't meant to be. Then they either ignore you again or apologize but not interested.
So why ruin your chances by running? Sending her a few more fun texts will change the vibe and make her feel more secure about your connection. This is how you should return to the conversation:
5. Get the positive emotions flowing and THEN ask her out
As I said before, women become unresponsive for a variety of reasons. But it usually boils down to them still not being excited, engaged, or comfortable enough to meet up with you (basically, a stranger).
A lot of guys think the cure is talking about commonalities and getting to know each other on a deeper level. But women don't want that in text, it's a horrible medium of communication. She can do this on a date with you.
All he really needs is to FEEL that getting to know you is going to be a fun and amazing experience.
If you start the conversation off with something bland, logical, or unemotional, you probably won't get anywhere. That's why messages like "Hey, how are you?", "Did you do well on the test?" it will fail. They don't encourage her to open up and feel something.most.
He wants you to experience positive emotions such as excitement,curiosity, joy, passion and make him laugh out loud when he reads your texts. There are numerous ways to do this:
- Use more descriptive or emotional language.even when talking about normal things. Make everyday conversations more intriguing. Use words that paint a picture or evoke powerful responses.
- “By the way, the new X album surprised me, I think I had audiogasm.” vs "By the way, that new X album is good."
- “I just shook my ass like Shakira in salsa. Getting into something exciting? vs “I just got back from salsa class. What are you doing tonight?"
- Add funny GIF using iMessage/Whatsapp to enhance your message. So, for example, in the salsa message, you could include a GIF of a cat wiggling its body awkwardly.
- Share something interesting about yourself.It could be a situation that happened to you, an adventure you had or an idea/topic you are passionate about.
- Submit a photo of yourself walking on a beautiful lake, at a concert or in your new outfit. You can attach a quick note like, "I'm coming for you, Daniel Craig."
- “I spent the last 15 minutes wondering what my dog was trying to tell me. I can't be the only one, right?
- “Yes, I finally got my SCUBA certification. Feel free to picture me in my wetsuit."
- Ask him a question relevant to his life, something he's really interested in, or just something random/silly.when someone asksa great questionabout a subject we are passionate about, we love to talk about it. And funny or thought-provoking questions surprise us and encourage us to continue the dynamic conversation.
- “So what inspired your bohemian-chic style? A memorable trip?
- "You said you love to draw, can you draw me like one of your French girls?"
- "What's your most useless superhero power?"
If you haven't noticed, there's a thread here. All these messages are concise (1-2 sentences maximum), light-hearted and usually contain a joke.
Humor is the fastest way to win a girl back and hook her every time she reads your messages. And if he feels good talking to you over text, he can't wait to meet you in person.
However, don't wait too long to make your move.OOnce she answers yes a few times, hit when the iron is hot and ask her out.
These 5 steps will give you the best chance of bringing back a dead conversation. But if you've tried all of the above more than once and she still hasn't responded, it's time to focus on someone else who is more excited to connect with you.
If after reading this, you're still having trouble generating interest through your text, I don't want you to feel like you have to do this alone.
If you want a more personalized approach to consistently generating high quality connections with women who really want to get to know you, let's schedule a free and 100% confidential consultation (up to 30 minutes) to discuss how we can work together.Book your free strategy session here.
Approach women with confidence
take myfree guidemeet women anywhere. Learn to overcome anxiety, always know what to say and make an attractive first impression.
- 4 Questions to Ask Yourself When She Doesn't Respond
- What doesn't kill you gets you quotes
- How to Be Nice to Women, Even If It's Unnatural
- 25 things you need to know about dating
- 9 Things That Threaten The Male Ego But Shouldn't
- Should you try to get your ex back?